I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
