xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
