Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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