I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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