why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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