Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
