We're like a lot better than the average bears
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
