So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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