Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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