I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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