I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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