5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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