Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
