I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
