you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
