I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
two words: eviction party
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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