I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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