So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
