her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
