wrigley field is MILF paradise
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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