Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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