Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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