Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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