Please, let me fuck your mom
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
