Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
