there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
