dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
