I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
