there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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