I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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