My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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