two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
