Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize