yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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