Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
