Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
