It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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