I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
