His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
