she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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