Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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