im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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