Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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