I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
