i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
