There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Shame - the story of my life.
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