Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
