Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
