I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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