god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
