So drunk its hurt
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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