your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
