Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
