Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize