i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
