I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
