real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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