i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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