so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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