I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
