i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
