is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
