Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
