Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
