haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
