I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
