Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
