You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
