I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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