Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Panties = found
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
