nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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