what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
