the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
