i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
